Christmas Trickery
by SnowFox3
Summary: House is bored. It's Christmas Eve. Cuddy is busy. It's still Christmas Eve. Add some mistletoe and a scared secretary and you've got an interesting mix. Huddy oneshot.


_A/N_

**Disclaimer: **I don't own this show. I'm just taking the characters for a much needed break.

_First House story. Yes, I know: another Christmas one-shot. And I know it's a bit late… but… well… it's better than nothing, right?_

_I'm going to dedicate this to __**Devour**__, who convinced me to post this as soon as I could._

_Enjoy!_

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The doors burst open with a bang that made Cuddy almost jump out of her skin. Almost. It turned out that Cuddy was in fact expecting the loud bang, and was also expecting the loud voice that normally accompanied it. Of course her new secretary couldn't keep House out.

"Cuddles!"

She sighed. There it was. She looked up from the papers she was signing, into the face of one Gregory House. "House," she acknowledged. "Get out. I'm busy."

"Doing what?" he walked over and sat himself on the chair opposite her, the cane in front of him.

"Paperwork," she replied. "Go away."

"Why?" he whined. "I _like _it here."

Cuddy sighed again. She wasn't in the mood for House's antics today; she was annoyed already. It was Christmas Eve, and here she was, sitting in her office finishing the unholy amounts of paperwork- which, sadly enough, were all from today. Sometimes Christmas Eve was just overrated.

"I've got work to do, House."

"And you're condemning your speed bumps to a world without happiness," House replied, looking stricken.

"House," she warned him, her hand already making its way to her forehead. Less than a minute with the aggravating doctor and she had a headache. Great.

"Fine," House raised his hands in a surrendering gesture. "I'll be a good boy and I'll be quiet."

Cuddy narrowed her eyes, but continued to sign the papers, grateful for any peace she could get.

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House tapped his cane on the ground. Loudly. And more than once. He was so _bored_.

And Cuddy was being _boring. _As in paperwork boring. And that was boring. Ironic that Cuddy was doing paperwork. He tapped the cane louder, just looking for a reaction. _Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap._

"House!" she finally warned.

Cuddy was so _boring_.

He stopped his tapping, and started playing his Gameboy, which he just _happened _to have with him, as he always did.

One minute passed.

Two minutes passed.

House stopped and checked the time. It was almost midnight. He gave a small snort. It wouldn't seem like it, the amount of people who were still at the hospital. His ducklings were still at the hospital, probably fussing all over the patient- whatever his name was. Annoyed, he reached into his pocket to take out the pager he'd stolen from Wilson. Of course, Wilson wouldn't notice for a while. House put the pager back, and started playing his game again.

One minute passed.

Another minute passed.

Another minute passed.

'_You lose' _passed across the game screen. House, with irritation, shoved it back into his pocket.

One minute passed.

He was bored.

Another minute passed.

"_Boring_," he whispered.

Thirty seconds passed.

"_Boring_," he said a bit louder.

Fifteen seconds passed.

"_Boring_," he repeated.

Ten seconds passed.

"_Boooring_," he whispered loudly.

"House!" Cuddy yelled. "Shut up!"

Yep. Cuddy was boring when she was doing paperwork. Too boring. And House raised an eyebrow. Well… boring could sometimes become interesting…

He took out his Gameboy and the pager, hiding the pager from Cuddy's sight. If Cuddy was boring when she was doing paperwork. Would she be boring when she _wasn't_ doing her paperwork?

So it was a good thing that House had stolen Wilson's pager earlier in the day. Wilson would probably say that House owed him. So? House just decided to repay the debt by taking one less chip from Wilson's lunch tomorrow. He placed the Gameboy in front of the pager, making it appear as though he was playing his game. He punched in something on the pager, pretending to play on the Gameboy, and waited. Soon enough, Cuddy's pager went off, with a _ding _sound.

To House's great pleasure, Cuddy cursed heavily and grabbed at her pager from where it was on her desk. He watched her read the contents, and she sighed, before standing up.

House feigned ignorance. "Where are you going?"

"Wilson needs my help," Cuddy told him, "And you'd better be gone by the time I get back, House."

House just stared at her, trying to look as innocent as possible.

Cuddy gave an ever-lasting sigh and walked out of the room. Swaggering was more like it, House thought with mouth open slightly, as he stared at her retreating figure.

Seconds later, and Cuddy was gone.

He rose from the chair. Time to begin. He hobbled over to her desk, leaving the cane next to his chair. Grabbing any and all paper he could find, he dumped it in the bin underneath her desk.

Once that was done, House stared at the overflowing bin, wondering how he'd get rid of the paperwork now. And then he remembered the secretary outside Cuddy's office that he had glared at on the way inside.

He picked up the bin carefully, making sure not to spill its contents, and limped back over to his cane. He picked his flame-cane up and hobbled out of Cuddy's office, startling the secretary.

House stared at the secretary with his best glare. "Stand," he ordered.

The terrified secretary did as he was told.

House hobbled closer, and thrust out the bin so it hit the wimp secretary's chest. The said person gave a muffled squeak of surprise, automatically wrapping his arms around the bin to prevent it falling.

"How could you leave this bin for so long?" House almost shouted at the figure. "Don't you know that Doctor Cuddy hates mess?"

The secretary made a stuttering noise.

House, enjoying terrorising Cuddy's assistant, continued his rant. "Doctor Cuddy will fire you if she finds out!" House roared.

The secretary squeaked again.

House deliberately softened his voice. "But… hey… I'm a nice guy. I won't tell her if you empty it now."

The secretary nodded, clutching the bin as if it were a lifeline, and scrambled to the door, almost forgetting to open it in his haste. House grinned, and limped back in Cuddy's office, opting to discard his cane on a chair and sit on Cuddy's desk. As he made himself comfortable, he noticed something he hadn't before; a something above him. He looked up, almost warily.

He grinned wickedly at what he saw.

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Wilson looked up in surprise as Cuddy opened the door to his office. "What do you need me for?" she asked, and the oncologist could tell she was irritated.

He frowned in confusion. "I don't need you for anything," he told her.

"You paged me," she stated.

He frowned deeper. "I've lost my pager," he replied.

Cuddy frowned herself for a second, before a look of realisation came over her face, and with it, the angriest look Wilson had seen on her face for quite some time. Had he been standing, he would've taken a step back.

"House!" she growled, and, literally, stormed out of his office.

Wilson almost stood up to follow her and give House a piece of his mind, but then he got a scary image of Cuddy's furious face. Maybe it was better if he waited until after Cuddy had her tantrum at House.

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House heard her before he saw her. Like a storm, she strode into her office, scaring the secretary, who had returned quickly, out of his skin. House, on the other hand, was a picture perfect stoic person. He didn't flinch as the door slammed open. "House!" she yelled.

He assumed an innocent face. "Yes?"

Cuddy was seething as she stepped closer. "Why-"

House interrupted. "You… don't want to come any closer."

Cuddy frowned, confused, until she realised that there was no longer any paperwork on her desk. "House… where's my paperwork?" she said it in a forced calm tone.

House pretended to look scared. "You'll be angry if I told you," he whispered, grinning mentally at the look on her face.

"Tell me," Cuddy demanded through gritted teeth.

House adopted his best simpering-idiot expression. "I… It was so _horrible_. Your new secretary just barged in here and took them all! I tried to stop him, really I did… but I'm a cripple," House shrugged, "What could I do?"

"House!" she snarled, striding over to stand next to the crippled doctor.

House grinned happily as part two of his plan was completed. "Told you that you didn't want to come any closer," he said to her, pointing upwards. She glanced up.

Mistletoe hung above them.

Cuddy cursed again. "No," she stated.

"It's tradition," he encouraged.

"No."

"Are you a chicken?" he began to wriggle his arms, knowing this would further agitate Cuddy.

And, like he knew Cuddy would do, as she always did when she was angry, she rose up to the challenge.

The kiss was deep, but not soft. Not soft in any way. Still, it wasn't desperate, or rough. It was fast, almost like a car race, both sweeping over each other in their haste to win. The actual time the kiss lasted, however, was unknown to the both of them.

It wasn't really passionate; unless you could call 'fighting for superiority' passionate. It was a show of dominance, a battle of will. And House grinned as he felt her slow down.

He broke the kiss off, and looked for any kind of reaction from his boss.

"Wha…" she started, before stopping, attempting to regain basic control over her body.

"Let's go sleep together!" House announced.

Cuddy frowned, once again shocked speechless. Gaining a grip of herself, she said a firm, "No."

"Yes," House replied.

"My answer is no."

House glanced down. "Your mouth says no. Your fun bags say yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No." Cuddy frowned.

"Yes."

"No."

House grinned inwardly. "Yes."

"No."

"No."

"Yes." A pause. "No! House!"

"Who put up the mistletoe?" House changed the subject.

"Wilson," Cuddy replied warily. "Why?"

"No reason," he told her as he grabbed his cane and began to walk out of the office. "By the way," House said, "You kiss better than Cameron."

From behind him Cuddy said, "You kissed Cameron?" in confusion, but changed the statement once she realised what it meant. "You're a good kisser, too," she replied.

House grinned and was subsequently glad Cuddy couldn't see his face as he exited the room.

As he hobbled past the secretary's desk, he paused and fumbled through his pocket, bringing out Wilson's pager.

"Return this to Jimmy Wilson, oncologist extraordinaire," he demanded, putting the pager on Cuddy's secretary's desk and hobbling past.

Damn Wilson. Too caring. Way too caring. Damn him and his caring ways. Damn him for setting up the mistletoe.

House reminded himself to take one less chip from Wilson's lunch tomorrow.

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_A/N_

_There you go. Hope you enjoyed it. _:D

_Please review!_


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